So much fluctuation

Jenn here. I noticed that the stats are all over the place. I'll see if I can get Nick and Lauren to double up on days. All that's left now are the admins. As I suspected, Randi can't post because she doesn't have Internet at her house. Logan... -sigh- I dunno what happened with him. But no matter, we can keep my blog afloat by ourselves! Moving on, -yawn- I'm incredibly tired. AND. I finished Blue Exorcist yesterday and started on Black Butler. I'm already, like, five episodes in. Ungggg. Help me. I'm on an anime binge. But what can I say? I'm one Hell of a butler. (see? this is how bad it's gotten.) I might go ahead and keep watching it. (it's currently 7:39 a.m, by the way. ditching classwork for anime~ <3) I have a huuuuuge test next period that I should be studying for. It determines whether or not I fail the class. I need to study. Shit, I want to study. But I'm tired of the stress. Honestly, I've been studying my ass off for days, and getting nowhere. I don't see why studying now would do a bit of difference. I'll end up forgetting it before next period. I have two F's, and, what, 16 days of school left? How the fuck am I supposed to bring them up? (yes, I realize this has turned into a rant, stfu.) Anyway, it's been a full 24 hours since that last sentence, so time for a new paragraph!

It's hot as balls in my computer class. It's always hot as balls, what the actual fuck. Ugh, anyway. I took a 8mg sleeping pill last night and um, I'm still high off of it. Pretty obvi, too, I'm lumbering around, hanging my head and practically drooling as I type this. My eyelids are so heavy, and I'm ready to pass out. My tummy's full of breakfast and it's the perfect set of conditions to just...bleh. I'll try to stay awake as I tell you about my test yesterday. I think I failed, I'm gonna go check my grades.Oh. Yep, I failed. 52%. Looks like I'm going to summer school. Oh, wait. I have a 58 in there and in Physics. If I can get them up and keep them at at least a 60, I'll pass. COME ON, TWO POINTS. I think I can muster that much. Well, I hope I can. I got to a 58 in Physics merely by copying from my partner. (¬_¬) That's just how bad I am at science. (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ Y U NO EASY? But yeah, I have something serious to tell you guys.

For the past, like, I dunno, week or so, my head's started to become more and more clouded. My judgement is clouded, and honestly, I feel numb. If I'm mean to someone, I honestly don't recognize it. I've noticed that I stare off into space a lot, drifting, if you will. I get angry at the littlest things and go off on the wrong people. I'm reverting to the ways I was accustomed to in grade school. I don't like it, but really, I don't want to change. I dunno, maybe I'm supposed to be miserable. I'm losing friends left and right, but I see no reason to seek them out and apologize. It's like my demons are getting the best of me. (Metaphorically speaking.) Tired, angry, sad. Hot damn, I'm depressed. Again. I was taken off my medications because of the complications on my heart. But I don't care if those meds make my heart completely fucking explode, I need them back. I've lost interest in things I usually love. Like music. I dread playing in band everyday. I used to love it. It's sickening. No matter how sunny it is, or how happy the people around me are, I'll always see the world as a dark, gloomy, lonely place. (Reverting to the depressing Jenn that first created this blog. Oh, joy.)

But enough of that, time to be happy again. Well, time to make the post feel happy again. Ah, uh. -yawn- I might add a picture. Yeah. That's what I'll do... if only I knew what picture to add. Anime? Eh. I typed in "kawaii" to Google and a picture of Ciel Phantomhive came up. xD -dead- Oh god, what? Maybe I won't post a picture after all.

 

HAHAHA, JUST KIDDING. Those are the two animes I'm currently obsessing over. I finished Blue Exorcist, but I'm gonna go back and watch it after I watch Attack on Titan. Nick's been a little dick about bugging me to watch it. BUT ANYWAYYYYYAYAY. I'm gonna end this post here before it becomes a page-long thing. ._." Off to watch Black Butler~! Until tomorrow, (or whenever), stay beautiful, my lovelies. Adieu.~